Dermatillomania is a gross-sounding word. I don't like saying it, which then makes me even more embarrassed to talk about it. But it's gotten to a point where I need to talk about it. I'll let the following pictures explain...
This here is my left upper arm. Look at how ugly that is. And that's my good side. Basically, dermatillomania is a mental disorder characterized by compulsive skin-picking.
Same left arm (I know, the camera flip-flopped it). You can see that it's all down my arm and even up on my shoulder.
This here is my right arm. It's way worse than the left, and that's saying something. Dermatillomania is not just a bad habit. So many times, I've had people say "Well, why don't you just stop?" It's not that simple. If it were, do you think I would have let it get this far?
So very unpleasant to behold. If you look closely, you can see more faded looking pockmarks; scars from years of picking. I pick when I have a zit or even just a small bump on my skin until I draw blood. And then I pick those scabs over and over and over and over and over until finally I end up with hideous scars. There must be layer upon layer of scar tissue on both arms.
There it is on my right shoulder. I decided enough was enough, and now I'm here, posting pictures of the thing I hate most about myself online for the world to see. I vow to put pictures every day on here to show my improvement as I go longer and longer without picking. Let's see how I mange...
You can see here on my left leg some old wounds from bug bites I got this summer. The picking is mainly directed at my arms, so I finally started letting these guys heal. Even after a few months, you can see the darker spots where the scabs used to be.
Now, I've had bad facial acne for nearly 10 years. I learned my current behaviors from my obsessive pimple-popping as a teenager. Thankfully, I never scarred on my face, but here you can see that I still have many imperfections that make me very self-conscious.
I should note that I never wear make-up to cover up any of my blemishes.
Tonight, I was going to start trying tea tree oil on my face to rejuvenate the cells and maybe get rid of the unevenness and acne, but that shit smells horrible.
My entire room has smelled like Lucifer's asshole for the past half-hour. I immediately scrubbed the stuff off, but it's volatile and even opening the windows for twenty minutes did nothing to air out the room.
Thus concludes my first dermatillomania post. It should be noted that these pictures were taken fresh out of the shower, where I took care not to scrub too hard on the scabs. I haven't picked all day, so I'm concluding this as Day #1 completed. I'll update tomorrow night.
Thanks for reading!
Thanks for reading!